Mu nkuru zabanje twabonye ko kubabarira uwakubabaje, ari ukwiha impano ku giti cyawe, kuko ari wowe utanze imbabazi bigirira akamaro. Twabonye ko, iyo utanze imbabazi uba ufashije benshi bibaza niba bagomba kubabarira, iyo wihoreye ku wakubabaje nabwo uba ufashije benshi bumva ko kubabarira atari ngombwa. Twabonye ko kubabarira ari ukurekura imfungwa no gusobanukirwa neza ko imfungwa yari wowe ubwawe.

Twabonye ko kutababarira bigusenya wowe ubwawe ndetse bikagusenyera umuryango, tubona ko gutanga imbabazi bigarura ubuzima n’ibyishimo byo kubaho.

Mu nkuru iheruka twabonye umwitozo twakora buri munsi, ukadufasha gutanga imbabazi ku baduhemukiye. Tubararikiye gusoma inkuru zabanje kugira ngo mushobore gusobanukirwa neza ibyo tuvuze mu nshamake.

Ibyo byose tubikura mu gitabo cy’umwanditsi Pierre Pradervand kivuga ku kwiha impano yo kubabarira.

NELSON MANDELA perezida wa mbere wa Afurika y’epfo, ni urugero rwiza rwo kubabarira. Baramubajije ngo ni gute yafunzwe imyaka irenga 27, ariko agasohoka adafite inzika yo kwihorera ku bamufunze, maze arasubiza ati: “inzika yangiza nyir’ukuyigira. Iyo wanze umuntu uba umuhaye umutima wawe n’ubugingo bwawe. Ibyo bintu uko ari bibiri ntukabitange”.

Amarangamutima mabi yose ni umusemburo w’icyo twita guhangayika (stress) kandi agira ingaruka mu mitekerereze yacu no ku mubiri wacu inyuma, bitewe n’uburemere ayo marangamutima afite muri twebwe.

Hari isomo ryiga, ku isano iba hagati y’ubwirinzi bw’umubiri ari bo basirikare bashinzwe kurinda umubiri bagatuma tugira ubuzima bwiza (buzira umuze) n’imikorere y’imitekerereze ya muntu igengwa n’ubwonko. Ubushakashatsi bwerekanye ko ubwirinzi bw’umuntu bukora bugendeye ku bitekerezo umuntu afite no ku marangamutima afite. Igitekerezo kibi cy’urwango, inzika, umujinya,… cyohereza ibimenyetso bibi cg se amakuru mabi mu rwungano rushinzwe ubwirinzi bw’umubiri narwo rugakoresha imbaraga zishobora kwangiza umubiri. Ibitekerezo byose bibi bizamura uguhangayika gukabije ari byo twakwita stress kandi bikohereza ibimenyetso bitari byiza mu mubiri. Aho ni ho bajya bahuriza ibitekerezo bibi (amarangamutima mabi) n’indwara ya cancer. Ibyo kandi bikora ikinyuranyo ku marangamutima meza cg se ku bitekerezo byiza kuko nabyo byohereza ibimenyetso byiza,, ari nabwo butumwa bwiza mu bwirinzi bw’umubiri, nabwo bukagira icyo bukora butera umubiri imbaraga bityo ukagira ubuzima buzira umuze. Icyo dukwiye kumenya ni uko ari twe, bubatsi b’umubiri wacu, ku rwego natwe ubwacu tudatekerezaho. Ibyo rero birashimangira ubutumwa buri muri iyi nkuru: kubabarira ni imwe mu mpano, nziza kandi zikomeye, ushobora kwiha kandi ni bumwe mu buryo bwiza bwo kwikunda.

Ubutaha niwumva hari uwo ugomba kubabarira cg hari icyo ugomba kubabarira, uzibaze iki kibazo uti: “ese ndikunda bihagije ku buryo nshobora kureka ibyahise n’uburemere bw’umubabaro byanteye”?

“Ese ndikunda bihagije ku buryo ku buryo nakwemera ibyambayeho, nkemera gufata ubuzima bwanjye mu biganza byanjye, aho kugira ngo njye mpora numva ko narenganye”?

“Ese ndikunda bihagije ku buryo ku buryo nagira icyizere cyo kubaho, nanjye nkigirira icyizere nkabwira ubuzima ngo, YEGO, kubaho birashoboka”?

Igihe cyose nanze kubabarira ni ukuvuga ko mba mpisemo guhora mbabaye. Ni igikorwa cy’ubugome mba nikoreye, kuko ni uguhitamo gutanga amakuru mabi mu bwirinzi bw’umubiri wanjye nabwo bugasohora ibyangiza umubiri. Ni ukubwira ubuzima bwiza ngo, OYA singukeneye, mpisemo kwigumira mu byambabaje, sinshaka gukomeza kubaho. Kutababarira, si ukwiha igihano kibabaje gusa, ahubwo ni no kwikorera iyicarubozo. Iyicarubozo ry’ibyishimo byo kubaho, iyicarubozo ry’amahoro n’umudendezo by’imbere muri wowe, ibyo byose bikaba bitangwa no kubabarira.

Ariko kandi iyo tubirebye neza, ushobora gusanga abo baduhemukiye twita abanzi bacu ari nabo nshuti nziza zacu kandi za hafi, kuko duhorana nabo, kubera guhora tuzirikana ibyo badukoreye bitari byiza, ni ukuvuga ko baduhora hafi mu bitekerezo byacu. Kugira ngo ibyo tubirenge, biradusaba gukora urugendo mu mitekerereze yacu.

Burya niwumva umuntu akora ibikorwa by’ubugome ujye ubabara ku bwe kandi umugirire impuhwe, kuko nubwo abakorewe ibyo bikorwa by’ubugome babaje cyane, ariko uwo ababaje kubarusha kuko, aba yarananiwe kurenga ibyamubabaje, bikamubamo bikamukuriramo maze bigasohokera mu bikorwa bye. 

Hari ikintu cy’ingenzi gituma kubabarira bigorana cg se ntibinashoboke, ari cyo umujinya.

Urugero ruri mu nkuru ikurikira rwabitwereka neza. Umuntu umwe witwa Eric, yagiranye umubano n’umugore wabaga muri Amerika, afite intego yo kubana nawe. Mu mubano wabo, hari ibimenyetso byinshi kandi bitandukanye byerekaga Eric ko akwiye kwitonda akabitekerezaho neza mbere yo gufata icyemezo cyo kubana n’uwo mukunzi we. Ibyo bimenyetso yabyimye amaso n’amatwi arakomeza, maze biyemeza kujya gusezeranira mu burayi aho ababyeyi be bari batuye. Eric yari afitanye umubano mwiza n’ababyeyi be, ku buryo bari baremeye ko, ari bo bazakira abageni n’abashyitsi ku munsi w’ubukwe bwabo. Ariko mbere y’ubukwe, bari barabaye nk’abifata cyane, bamaze kumenya ko umwana wabo agiye kubana n’umugore watandukanye n’umugabo we wa mbere, kandi mu muryango wabo nta muntu wari warigeze abana n’umugore watandukanye n’uwo babanaga. Ibyo byatumye bakira umuhungu wabo n’umukazana wabo mbere y’ubukwe, ariko mu kubakira byasaga nk’aho bakonje, ku buryo umuhungu wabo yabonye ko batishimye nk’uko bisanzwe.  Nyuma y’ubukwe bari mu kwezi kwa buki, umugabo yari yishimiye cyane umugore we kandi yumvaga nta kibazo amufiteho. Nyuma y’icyumweru kimwe gusa, bari mu gihugu cy’amahanga kitari icyabo kuko niho umugabo yagombaga gukomereza akazi, umugore yarabyutse arakaye cyane, abwira umugabo we Eric ati: “sinagombaga kubana nawe kandi ubu ngiye kwigendera.” Mu kanya gato yahise afata ibye aragenda, asubira iwabo. Eric byaramurenze agira umujinya mwinshi cyane, ariko ntabwo yarakariye umugore we, ahubwo yarakariye ababyeyi be, avuga ko ari bo batumye umugore we agenda, kuko batamwakiriye neza bamwishimiye maze akabibona ko batamwishimiye, ibyo bikaba ari byo bitumye yigendera. Yahise afata ikaramu abandikira ibaruwa irimo umujinya, inzika n’uburakari bikomeye yari abafitiye. Nyuma y’igihe, nibwo yaje kumenya ko ibyo byari ugusohora umujinya yari yifitiye we ubwe, kuko atigeze yita ku bimenyetso bitukura byose yabonye mbere yo kubana n’uwo mugore we. Ku bw’amahirwe yaje kumenya n’inshuti nziza muri icyo gihe yari afite ibyo bibazo, iyo nshuti yari ifite ubunararibonye ku mitekerereze ya muntu n’ubuzima bwo mutwe. Eric yamutekerereje ibihe bikomeye ari gucamo, amubwira n’urwandiko yandikiye ababyeyi be, yari agiye kuboherereza. Iyo nshuti imugira inama yo kuba aretse kurwohereza, akazabanza akongera kubitekerezaho. Nyuma y’igihe, Eric yaje gufata rwa rwandiko ararutwika, amaze gutekereza cyane akabona ko rwashoboraga gutera agatotsi mu mubano mwiza yari asanzwe afitanye n’ababyeyi be. Iyo uburakari bwe bugumaho, ntabwo yari gushobora kubabarira ababyeyi be, ariko buhoro buhoro bwagiye bugabanuka, abona ko ahubwo ababyeyi be barebaga neza umugore we kumurusha. Yasobanukiwe ko ababyeyi be, kubera uburambe bw’ibyiza n’ibibi by’ubuzima bari bafite bari basobanukiwe kandi babona ibishobora gukurikiraho. Ariko birinze gusa n’ababyivangamo kuko bumvaga ko bari baragerageje gutanga uburere buboneye ku bana babo. Umujinya we wagiye ugabanuka buhoro buhoro, bigera aho yumva agomba kubabarira. Yamenye ko umuntu wa mbere akwiye kubabarira ari we ubwe, kuko atigeze yita ku bimenyetso byose byamwerekaga ko akwiye kugenza gake uwo mubano we n’uwo yiteguraga kubana nawe, yumvise agomba kwibabarira, kuko atigeze atega amatwi ijwi ry’imbere muri we. Nuko atangira urugendo rwa kabiri rwo kwibabarira kuko atahaye agaciro ibimenyetso bitukura byose yabonye mu nzira ye, no gusobanukirwa impamvu atabyitayeho. Buhoro buhoro asobanukirwa ko, ari ubwoba yari afite imbere muri we bwamuteye iyo myitwarire. Birangira amenye ko atari ababyeyi be, agomba kubabarira kuko nta kosa bafite, si umugore we kuko nawe ntiyari atuje ahubwo yari ajagaraye kumurusha kandi yagerageje kubimwereka, abona ko nawe yakoresheje ubushobozi yari afite muri icyo gihe n’ubwo bwari buke butamufashije. Yasobanukiwe ko, ibyo byose byamubayeho, byari ukugira ngo agire ubumenyi buhagije, buzamufasha guhitamo neza umufasha ukwiriye bakomezanya urugendo rw’ubuzima. Yavuze ko nyuma y’ibyo byose, yongeye kwishimira ubuzima.

Tubararikiye kuzakurikira igice kizakurikiraho kizadusobanurira ku gusaba imbabazi no kuzitanga.

Ibyifashishijwe:

Igitabo “se faire le cadeau du pardon” cya Pierre Pradervand.

Umwanditsi: NAHAYO Pélagie