Umuti ukomeye ushobora kwiha ni ugusaba imbabazi uwo wahemukiye, uwo wakomerekeje, uwo wabeshye. Uba werekanye ko ushishikajwe nabo, ko ubifuriza ibyiza kandi ko ushaka gukosora amakosa wakoze. Ibyo kandi byerekana ko ububashye kandi ko uha agaciro amarangamutima yabo.

Ubundi gusaba imbabazi ni umuco mwiza usanzwe muri sosiyete, haba umuntu ku giti cye cg se ku bandi. Ni uburyo bwo kugabanya umujinya, urwango, kurwanya amakimbirane ashobora kuza, kwirinda kwica imibanire myiza mufite, kugarura umuntu cg se itsinda ry’abantu mu buzima busanzwe igihe hakozwe ibyaha. Muri make gusaba imbabazi ni uburyo bwo kugumana imibanire myiza.

Ariko kandi icy’ingenzi kuruta ibindi kiba mu gusaba imbabazi, ni ukumva umerewe neza mu mutwe no kumva amahoro y’imbere muri wowe, kuko kubaho ubana n’umutima ugucira urubanza kubera ikosa wakoze, ntabwo bitera guhangayika kw’imbere muri wowe gusa, ahubwo bishobora no kugutera uburwayi bw’umubiri. Ibyo kandi bishobora kugabanya icyubahiro wifitiye wowe ubwawe (agaciro wiha wowe ubwawe), kandi ako gaciro ni kimwe mu bintu by’ingenzi bigize ubuzima bwacu.

Iyo wemeye ko wakomerekeje umuntu cg ko wamutesheje agaciro ni nko kwibwira wowe ubwawe uti: “ni njye ufite amakosa, sinitaye kuri mugenzi wanjye”. Iyo wemeye ikosa ryawe uba uhaye uwo wakoreye amakosa ubushobozi bwo kukubabarira. Gusaba imbabazi bifite ubushobozi bwo gucisha bugufi umuntu wishyira hejuru. Ikindi kirenze kuri ibyo, iyo ugize imbaraga zo kwemera amakosa wakoze, ukemera kurenga ubwoba bwo gucishwa bugufi no gusaba imbabazi no kurenga ibintu byose bikubuza cg se byakubuza gusaba imbabazi, nawe uba wihaye icyubahiro gikomeye.

Iyo usabye imbabazi uba weretse uwo wakosereje ko umwubaha, ko amarangamutima ye ari ingenzi kuri wowe. Uba umweretse kandi ko utari ugambiriye kumubabaza kandi ko wifuza kubana nawe neza mu gihe gikurikiyeho.

Nawe kandi iyo wakiriye imbabazi bagusabye, uba uhaye mugenzi wawe amahirwe yo kongera kugirana umubano mwiza nawe. Gusaba imbabazi iyo bikozwe neza, bishobora gukiza igikomere cyo kumva warataye agaciro, bikazana ubwiyunge iyo uwakorewe amakosa atanze imbabazi. Imbabazi z’ukuri zisabwe kandi zigatangwa ni kimwe mu mibanire myiza ishinga imizi, irangwa hagati y’abantu bateye imbere mu myumvire.

Umwanditsi Pierre Pradervand aragira ati: “reka mbahe ingero 2 z’ibyabaye ku nshuti zanjye, maze mwumve imbaraga zo gusaba no gutanga imbabazi. Inshuti yanjye yo muri Norvege yitwa Brita, yashatse umugabo babana nabi cyane bikomeye. Bahoraga baterana hejuru, nta bwumvikane bwabaga mu rugo rwabo, nta mahoro yigeze aharangwa. Hashize imyaka 20, bari bafitanye abana babiri bamaze gukura,umugore yafashe icyemezo cyo gusaba gatanya. Umukobwa wabo w’umwangavu witwa Dagmar, wakundaga se cyane, yanze guha nyina amahoro kubera iyo gatanya. Yahoraga ashwana na nyina igihe cyose. Abantu bose bari bamaze kubimenyera ko igihe Dagmar ari kumwe na nyina birangira batonganye. Brita yari ababajwe cyane n’umubano afitanye n’umukobwa we, nyuma y’uwo yari afitanye na se, ariko kandi nta n’ubwo yari azi icyo yakora kugira ngo abisohokemo.

Umunsi umwe, umwe mu nshuti zacu wari uzi ibyo bibazo afitanye n’umukobwa we, amugira inama yo kuzamwandikira ibaruwa, amusaba imbabazi. Brita aravuga ati: “njyewe musaba imbabazi? Z’iki se? Hejuru y’ibyo azi byose ise yankoreye. Ibyo ntibishoboka!”. Iyo nshuti imusobanurira neza, ko ibyo we avuga yabibonye nk’umugore w’umugabo we, ariko iyo aba ari se, ntabwo ari ko yari kubibona. Yamubwiye ko ari we wabaye intandaro y’iherezo ry’ubuzima bwo mu muryango bw’umukobwa we. Yamubwiye ko ari we watumye abura se, ubu bakaba basigaye babonana rimwe na rimwe n’ibindi bibazo byose yagize kubera gatanya yasabwe na nyina. Nyuma yo kumva ko, ibyo inshuti ye imubwiye ari ukuri kandi bifite ishingiro, yanditse ibaruwa yitonze. Iyo baruwa nziza, yasabaga imbabazi umukobwa we kubera ibibazo byose byaje mu buzima bwe bitewe n’iyo gatanya. Uko kumusaba imbabazi abikuye ku mutima, kwavuyemo umusaruro udasanzwe, kuko guhera ubwo umubano wabo wahinduye isura, utangira kuba mwiza kandi bikajya byiyongera buri munsi. Uyu mwanditsi avuga ko kugeza ubwo yandikaga igitabo cye, Dagmar yari inshuti ikomeye ya nyina Brita”. Urwo ni urugero rumwe rwerekana ko gusaba imbabazi bihindura ubuzima bw’uzisabye n’uzitanze.

Pierre kandi akomeza aduha urundi rugero rw’inshuti ye Harry. Aragira ati : “mu myaka y’ubuto bwacu twari inshuti zidatana, twigaga ku ishuri rimwe, dufite inshuti zimwe, dukora bimwe, mbese aho wabona Harry nanjye nabaga mpari, kandi aho nabaga ndi nawe yabaga ahari. Harry yari umusore mwiza cyane, wambara akaberwa, abakobwa benshi baramukundaga. Igihe kimwe umwe mu bo twasenganaga aramukunda cyane n’umuhungu aramukunda. Hashize igihe bapanga ibyo kubana, mu gihe bari muri iyo myiteguro, undi mukobwa ahindukiza ibitekerezo bya Harry waje no guhagarika umubano we n’iyo nshuti ye Madeleine biteguraga kubana. Kuri Madeleine byabaye igikomere gikomeye, gusa hamwe n’igihe yaje kubyakira. Yari yarize iby’imibanire  y’abantu akabikora neza ariko ntabwo yigeze ashaka umugabo.  

Harry yakoreye muri Amerika kuko niho akazi ke kari gaherereye, yatandukanye n’abagore inshuro ebyiri, kandi mu buryo bubabaje cyane. Nyuma yo gutandukana n’umugore baherukanaga kubana, naciye iwe ariko ntabwo yari akiri Harry ahubwo ni igicucu cye cyagendaga kuko we yari yarasenzekaye. Namugiriye inama yo gutaha akagaruka mu Busuwisi. Harry wari ugeze mu myaka 60, yabanje kujijinganya ariko aza kubyemera bigoranye cyane. Yabaye iwanjye igihe gito, ubwo yari ategereje kubona akazi n’ahantu ho kuba. Hashize igihe gito agarutse mu Busuwisi, yagize igitekerezo cyo kwandikira ya nshuti ye ya kera  yahemukiye yitwa Madeleine. Yamwandikiye amubwira ko atari ngombwa ko asubiza ubutumwa buri mu ibaruwa ye, amubwira ko yicuza cyane uburyo yamuhemukiye ndetse bidakwiye kubabarirwa mu myaka hafi 50 ishize. Madeleine avuga ko akibona iyo baruwa byamurakaje akumva amuteye umujinya, ariko ntabwo yayijugunye ahubwo yayibitse ahantu mu biro bye. Hanyuma umunsi umwe aribwira ati: “ariko nyuma y’ibyabaye byose, dushobora kongera kubonana”. Barahuye baraganira, Harry asaba Mado imbabazi nawe aramubabarira, barongera babyutsa ubucuti bwabo, ndetse bigera n’aho biyemeza gusubukura umubano wabo birangira babanye nk’umugabo n’umugore. Kugeza ubwo iki gitabo cyandikwaga bari mu bantu bageze mu zabukuru bari babanye neza cyane.

Abantu benshi birabagora kwakira uko gusabwa imbabazi, kubera ukuntu biba byaramubabaje akumva kumusaba imbabazi ahubwo ni ukongera kumukomeretsa, akabwira umusabye imbabazi ati: “nta kibazo byararangiye, si ngombwa kongera kubivugaho” n’izindi nteruro zitandukanye abantu bakoresha basubiza ababasabye imbabazi, banga kubasubiza agaciro kabo baba bashaka iyo bari gusaba imbabazi.

Kubika inzika kubera ikosa ryagukorewe no kugumana inkomanga ntusabe imbabazi ku ikosa ryakozwe ni ukwihemukira cyane. Ni ukwangiza agaciro kawe. Ramuz avuga ko igiti gifite imizi miremire ari nacyo kigira amashami maremare. Iyo mizi ishinze muri twebwe mu gaciro twiha (gaciro kacu), ubwo bunyangamugayo, urwo rukundo rw’umwimerere twifitiye bitarahindana. Dr. Jampolsky avuga ko ari byo bigize ubuzima bwacu bwo mu mutwe. Kugira ngo umere neza mu mutwe ugomba no kuba wumva wifitiye urukundo, uticira urubanza kubera ibyo wakoze. Kugeza amashami kure mu bijyanye no kubabarira ni ukuba ushobora kwakira ugusabye imbabazi no kuzigutanga igihe uzisabwe udatoranyije (ntacyo ushingiyeho), ibyo ni kimwe mu by’ingenzi bigize agaciro kacu.

Pierre araduhamagarira gufata umwanya uhagije tugakora urutonde rukurikira:

1.      Urwa mbere urarushyiraho abantu bose wumva wababaje ugomba gusaba imbabazi

Ukore urutonde rw’abantu bose utekereza ko ukwiye kubasaba imbabazi uhereye mu bwana bwawe. Kugira ngo ubishobore urafata urupapuro n’ikaramu, wicare ahantu hatuje hagufasha gutekereza neza, usubire mu mateka y’ubuzima bwawe uhereye mu bwana maze uwo uzajya wibuka wese wakoreye ikosa ujye uhita umwandika.

2.      Urutonde rwa kabiri urashyiraho abantu bose bakubabaje bakwiye kugusaba imbabazi. Ese urumva ufite imbaraga zo kubabwira ngo bagusabe imbabazi? Kuki utabibabwira? Iyo dusabye imbabazi, umutwaro twari twikoreye uragabanuka kuko imbere muri twe hari aho tubika ibitubaho byose twaba tubyibuka cg se tutabyibuka. Iyo tubitse byinshi biraremera, ariko iyo bibaye bike turoroherwa tukumva amahoro y’imbere muri twe.

Kugira ngo sosiyete ibeho kandi igumane umurongo bisaba ko, iba ifite amategeko igenderaho kandi akubahirizwa n’abayigize. Iyo umuntu akoze ikosa agasaba imbabazi, aba agize ikinyabupfura, ahaye agaciro we n’uwo yakoreye ikosa, ariko ikindi gikomeye aba yubashye amategeko ya sosiyete. Iyo usabye imbabazi uba werekanye ko ushobora gufata inshingano z’ibikorwa byawe, kandi ko uko abandi bamerewe nawe bikureba. Uko kumva abandi utavanguye biguha igikundiro mu bandi, kandi igihe usabye imbabazi bizatuma mugenzi wawe atakubona nk’ikibazo mu yandi magambo uba umufashije gukira umujinya. Beverly Engel yavuze ko “kimwe mu byifuzo byacu ari uko abatubabaje badusaba imbabazi. Iyo batazidusabye twumva twarabeshywe bigatuma tudashobora kureka uburakari cg se inzika dufite. Ariko kandi gusaba imbabazi bidukiza ikimwaro, kwicira urubanza bikadufasha gukira. Imwe mu mpamvu abantu bajya batanga yo kudasaba imbabazi ni iyo kuvuga ko “bitari bikomeye nk’uko yabifashe”. Icyo ukwiye kumenya ni uko biba bikomeye kuri uwo muntu wakorewe ikosa, ugomba guha agaciro ayo marangamutima yagize, ukabitekereza nk’aho ari wowe byakorewe.

Indi mpamvu abantu bajya batanga ni iyo kuvuga ngo “igihe cyararenze ntibikiri ngombwa”. Nimutekereze kuri ya nshuti yanjye Harry, yasabye imbabazi nyuma y’imyaka hafi 50 ikoze ikosa hamwe n’umusaruro wavuyemo. Nawe ntabwo igihe kirarenga cyo gusaba imbabazi.

Gusaba imbabazi bigomba gukurikiza aya mategeko uko ari atatu:

1.      Kuba uri kwicuza by’ukuri ikosa wakoze

2.      Kuba wemera ko ari wowe wakoze iryo kosa kandi ukaba wemera gufata inshingano cg se kwirengera ibyabaye nta wundi ubigerekaho. Iyo utangiye gushaka impamvu zabiteye ubwo uba ubyishe byose.

3.      Kuba wemera kubikosora ndetse no kuba wahabwa ibihano mu rwego rwo gukosora ikosa ryabaye igihe bibaye ngombwa.

Niba hari kimwe kibuze muri ibyo uko ari bitatu, ibyo utekereza byo gusaba imbabazi bishobora kudatanga umusaruro. Twakongeraho no kuba wumva ufite icyo cyifuzo cyo gusaba imbabazi ntawe ukiguhatiye kuko ibyo wakora byose nta bushake ufite ntabwo wabigeraho.  

Umwanditsi NAHAYO Pelagie