Gushyingiranwa ni intangiriro y’urugendo rutoroshye rurimo ibigoye byinshi ariko kandi ruvanzemo n’ibyiza byinshi. Abashakanye batangira bafite inzozi nyinshi, urukundo n’ibyiringiro. Nyamara uko iminsi igenda ishira ibyo byose bigenda bigabanuka, ndetse bamwe bakumva byarashize, kuko batamenye ko bari mu rugendo (batagihagaze aho batangiriye). Buri wese agakeka ko yibeshye ku wo bari kumwe, akibwira ko atari we bagombaga kubana.

Mu byiciro bitandukanye by’ubuzima bw’abashakanye, habamo ibyishimo byo kubana, ibihe byo kwiyubaka, ndetse n’amakuba ashobora guhungabanya umubano. Ariko nk’uko bikunze kuvugwa “urukundo nyarwo rugaragarira mu bigeragezo”.

Muri iyi nkuru turavuga uko ubuzima bw’abashakanye bugenda buhinduka, n’icyo buri cyiciro gisaba kugira ngo urugo rugume ruzarambe.

ICYICIRO CYA MBERE: URUKUNDO RUGURUMANA (UKWEZI KWA BUKI)

Ni igihe cy’urukundo rwinshi hagati y’ababanye bakundanye, bakora byose bari hamwe, bagira umwanya munini wo kuganira, wo kwishima no kwishimira ubuzima.

Abashakanye baba bafite inzozi nyinshi, urukundo ari rwinshi kurushaho kandi buri wese agerageza gushimisha undi. Ni igihe cyiza kandi kinezeza abakirimo, gusa ni igihe gisa n’igihisha ukuri ku buzima bw’abashakanye buri imbere.

Ni igihe cyo kumenyana byimbitse no kwiga kubana n’imico itandukanye n’iyawe. Muri iki gihe nibwo utangira kubona ibintu bimwe na bimwe utari uzi cg se ukamenya imiterere imwe n’imwe ya mugenzi wawe ibangamye ariko kubera urukundo rwinshi mufitanye ntawe ubiha agaciro cyane. Ni igihe kubababarira mugenzi wawe bikorohera.

Kuko ari igihe cy’intangiriro y’urugendo kandi kikaba ari nk’umusingi w’umuryango wanyu, ugize amahirwe yo kukibamo aba agomba kugikoresha neza, akakishimamo uko ashoboye kikamubera impamba izamufasha mu gihe kigoye kiri imbere.

Bavuga ko ari igihe kimara hagati y’umwaka umwe n’imyaka itatu.

ICYICIRO CYA 2: KUBONA UKURI UTARI UZI KU WO MURI KUMWE (IGIHE CYO KWITANDUKANYA)

Muri iki gihe rwa rukundo rutangira gusa n’urugabanuka ahubwo ugatangira gutungurwa no kumenya ukuri utari uzi ku wo mwubakanye. Ugatangira kubona ko hari ibintu mudahuje ndetse mugatangira no kutumvikana ku bintu bimwe na bimwe. Nicyo gihe ubona imiterere ye, udakunda na gato (urugero: ubugugu, kurakazwa n’ubusa, kutagira isuku, kutita kuri bene wanyu, gusesagura, …)

Buri wese atangira kwibona nka we ubwe, ni igihe kigora cyane umuntu ushaka ko mukomeza kubaho nk’abashakanye bari hamwe kandi bagize umuntu umwe, mu gihe mugenzi wawe ashaka kubaho nk’uwigenga mudafatanyije urugendo. Umwe yumva yaratereranywe undi akumva mugenzi we amubuza amahoro n’umudendezo.

Muri iki gihe gikomeye buri wese agomba kumenya ko kubakana ari urugendo rutanyura mu nzira igororotse gusa ahubwo harimo n’ahaterera ndetse n’ahamanuka.

Gusobanukirwa ko n’ubwo wumva ukeneye kwigenga, ndetse uri no gukora ibikorwa by’ubwigenge ugomba kwibuka ko hari uwo muri kumwe.

Muri iki gihe niho bamwe mu bashakanye batangira gutekereza gutandukana (divorce)

Mugomba kugerageza kuganira kuko icyo ni igihe uwo muri kumwe aba afite ugushidikanya kwinshi no kudasobanukirwa neza ibyo arimo kubona cg se ari gucamo. Muri iki gihe imibanire ntiba igishingiye ku marangamutima ahubwo iba ishingiye ku gukorana no gushyigikirana.

ICYICIRO CYA GATATU: URWEGO RWO KWIRWANAHO

Muri iki cyiciro, buri wese atangira gushaka uburyo yirwanaho kugira ngo ahunge mugenzi we kuko aba amubona nk’ikibazo (aba amubona nk’udashobotse).

Abashakanye baba basa nk’aho ari inshuti ariko kandi bakaba ni abanzi icyarimwe. Ni igihe baba bafite ibibazo byinshi, iby’ubukungu, imihindagurikire y’imibereho,… baba bafite byinshi batumvikanaho ku buryo batangira kuganira mu mwanya muto bagahita batongana, muri iki gihe bamwe batangira kurwana. Kuganira biba bisa nk’aho bitagishoboka. Iyo mufite abana barahangayika cyane kandi bagahungabana.

Kubera ibintu byinshi byagutengushye mu rugo rwawe, utangira kubona ubundi buzima butari urugo rwawe no kubwifuza. Nicyo gihe utangira kuruhunga ujya mu masengesho, mu nzoga, mu busambanyi, ni bwo utangira kubona ko ushobora kubaho utamufite, ukabona abagabo beza kumuruta nawe agatangira kubona abagore beza kukurusha,…

Abenshi muri iki gihe nibwo batandukana kandi buri wese akavuga ko ikibazo ari mugenzi we wamunanije. Uba wumva ari wowe munyakuri.

Muri iki gihe abashakanye baba basabwa kwihangana, kumenya ko icyo gihe bagezemo kitazahoraho, bagasaba inama ku bantu bashoboye kubitambukamo aho kugisha inama abo byananiye.

ICYICIRO CYA KANE: IGIHE CYO KWIYAKIRA NO GUTUZA

Ugize amahirwe yo kurenga icyiciro cya 3, muri iki ni ho avuga ati “noneho ngiye gutuza nubake”. Muri iki gihe haba hari urukundo rw’ukuri rudashingiye ku marangamutima, ahubwo rushingiye ku kumenyana by’ukuri no kwemera mugenzi wawe uko ameze, (kwakira uko ateye) ntibyongere kukubangamira. Amakimbirane bagiranye mu cyiciro cya gatatu aba yarakujije ubumwe bwabo n’urukundo rwabo bagahinduka abantu bashyize hamwe. Mu gihe cyo kwiyakira umwe aba azi imbaraga nyinshi n’intege nke bya mugenzi we.  Ni bwo utangira kubona ko umukunda koko.

Ni igihe cy’ubwiyunge ku bashakanye, kwimakaza amahoro n’umutuzo mu muryango. 

ICYICIRO CYA GATANU: IGIHE CYO KWIYEMEZA

Ni igihe wiyemeza kubana n’uwo mwashakanye uko byaba bimeze kose cg uko bizamera kose. Iki ni igihe abashakanye bagize amahirwe yo kugira ubuzima babaho bishimye cyane, banezejwe n’ubuzima barimo uko bwaba bumeze kose. Bafatanya gushaka ibisubizo by’ibibagoye mu rukundo. Ni cya gihe ubona abubakanye bakundanye bidasanzwe. Abana n’abuzukuru bababona nk’icyitegererezo cyiza cy’umuryango.

Icyitonderwa:

Ibi byiciro byose uko ari bitanu ntabwo bimara igihe kingana ku bashakanye bose, hari abo kimara igihe gito abandi bikamara igihe kinini, niyo mpamvu ugomba kureba umuryango wawe ukwawo utawugereranya n’uw’abandi.

Ikindi, ntabwo umugabo n’umugore bagerera muri buri cyiciro icyarimwe, umwe ashobora kuba ari mu cya kabiri undi yarageze mu cya gatatu. Kutamenya ayo makuru bituma uvunika cyane kuko udasobanukirwa aho mugenzi wawe ageze ngo umutegereze nawe azagere aho ugeze.

Ubuzima bw’abashakanye ni urugendo rutangirwa n’urukundo, rukanyuramo ibigeragezo rukarangirira mu bumwe n’amahoro. Urugo rwubakwa na babiri bashyize hamwe ntabwo rwubakwa n’abatagira amakosa. Kumenya ibyo byiciro byavuzwe, kubyakira no kubyitwaramo neza niyo ntwaro yo kubaka urugo ruhamye, rufite amahoro n’ibyishimo.

Umwanditsi: NAHAYO Pelagie

Ibyifashishijwe

https://positiveyou.co/les-5-etapes-du-couple/