Marriage is the beginning of a challenging journey that has many difficulties but also many joys. Newlyweds often start with big dreams, love, and hope. However, as time passes, these feelings can fade, and some may feel disappointed because they didn’t realize that marriage is a journey they are no longer in the same place as when they started. Each person might think they made a mistake with their partner and believe they are not with the right person.

If you want your relationship to grow filled with respect, love and closeness you’ll have to experience all of the following relationship stages at some point or another.

There are clearly defined stages in long term relationship, each bringing new emotions, challenges to face, and opportunities for growth.

STAGE 1: THE ROMANCE STAGE

This is the time of strong love, where couples do everything together, spend a lot of time talking, laughing, and enjoying life. This is also known as the fantasy stage.
They have big dreams, love each other deeply, and try to please one another. It is a joyful and exciting period, you show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible.

It is a time to really get to know each other and learn to live with each other’s differences. This is the stage when our defences are down the most which allows you to be open to fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation so your relationship can grow. Forgiving each other is easier during this stage.

There are biological effects as well. When you’re in this stage, your body producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life.

Since it’s the start of your journey and the foundation of your family, it’s important to make the most of it. Use this time to build a strong base that will help you through harder times later.
This stage usually lasts between one month and three years.

STAGE 2: THE DISILLUSIONMENT STAGE

This stage is also known as the Familiarization stage or the Adjusting to reality phase.
At this stage, love begins to decrease slightly, and you start to notice things about your partner that surprise you. You realize there are differences, and disagreements begin. You see flaws you didn’t notice before, like immaturity, anger, messiness, or carelessness.

Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline.

Everyone starts thinking about themselves, making it hard to live together as a united couple. One person may feel burdened by the other.

It’s important to understand that marriage is a journey with ups and downs. Even if you feel the need for independence, remember you have a partner.

This is also when some couples begin thinking about separation or divorce. It’s a time to communicate carefully, as your partner may be confused or struggling with what they see. Relationships at this stage should be based on cooperation and support, not just emotions. Your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.

STAGE 3: THE POWER STRUGGLE STAGE

It’s known as the Disappointment phase or Distress stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with.
This the stage, each partner tries to protect themselves, sometimes seeing the other as a problem or obstacle. Couples may feel like friends and enemies at the same time. Conflicts arise often over money, lifestyle changes, or small disagreements, and arguments can escalate quickly.

This is the stage, you’ll probably start to distance yourselves from each other. You both still see conflict as a negative thing, but you’re becoming more away of your differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship and as a result even small annoyances become big issues.

Communication seems impossible, and if there are children, everyone feels more stressed. Some may even seek comfort outside the marriage through prayer, alcohol, or affairs, thinking life could be better without their partner.

Many couples separate or divorce at this stage, blaming each other for the problems. However, if they try to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they’ll move on another stage. Patience and understanding are essential, and seeking advice from wise and experienced people is recommended.

STAGE 4: THE STABILITY STAGE

This is the Friendship phase or Reconciliation stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. This stage is about settling down and building a life together. Love here is no longer based on emotions but on truly knowing and accepting your partner. Past conflicts may have strengthened your bond.

You understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses and begin to appreciate your partner genuinely. It’s a time of reconciliation, peace, and stability in the family.

STAGE5: THE COMMITMENT STAGE

This stage is also known as the acceptance phase, the Transformation stage or the Real love phase. It’s when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, weaknesses, galore,… yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all those things. You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you’ve chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the power struggle phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you’ve made it to this stage, you and your partner are a team. Your partner is your best friend.  This the stage where you fully commit to living with your partner, no matter what happens. Couples at this stage can live happily and enjoy life together. They work together to solve challenges in their relationship. They are deeply in love and become role models for those who know them.

Note:
Not all couples go through these stages at the same pace. Some stages may be short for some and longer for others. Also, a husband and wife may be in different stages at the same time, which can cause misunderstandings.

Married life is a journey that begins with love, passes through challenges, and ideal ends in unity and peace. A strong marriage is built by two people working together, not by perfection. Understanding these stages and handling them wisely is key to a happy and peaceful home.

NAHAYO Pelagie

REFERENCES:

https://www.rocksolidmarriages.com/the-5-stages-of-marriage.html

https://www.foryourmarriage.org