Umwana akenera amagambo amwubaka, amwereka ko akunzwe kandi ashoboye. Iyo bitabaye gutyo akumva amagambo mabi amusebya, amugereranya n’abandi, amutera ubwoba, …  ibyo bisa n’uburozi bwinjira gahoro gahoro mu mitekerereze ye. Bimugiraho ingaruka  mu kwigirira icyizere, mu mibanire ye n’abandi no mu myitwarire ye ya buri munsi. Kwita ku magambo tuvugira imbere y’abana ni ingenzi, kuko ashobora kubaka ubuzima bwabo cyangwa akabusenya.

Amwe mu magambo agereranywa n’uburozi ku mwana:

Amagambo mabi ashingiye ku miterere ye karemano

Ni amagambo mabi yose abwirwa umwana agamije kunenga ibice by’umubiri we cyangwa umubiri we wose kandi ntacyo ashobora kubihinduraho. Urugero: Uri mubi ku isura, urabyibushye cyane, urananutse bikabije, uri mugufi, amagambo yose anenga igice cy’umubiri we icyo ari cyo cyose,…

Hongerwamo andi nko kumubwira ngo uri umunebwe kuva uvutse, uri igihubutsi, …

Bene ayo magambo yose ntacyo amufasha, usibye kumubuza umutekano imbere muri we, akumva atewe isoni n’uko ameze (n’umubiri we), n’imiterere ye karemano.

Bimutera kandi ibibazo bijyanye n’imitekerereze bikagira ingaruka ku bijyanye n’imirire y’umwana.

Ukwiye gutoza umwana wawe gukunda uko ameze (ateye), uko yaba ameze uko ari ko kose n’uko yaba agaragara uko ari ko kose.

Amagambo agamije kunenga ibyo yakoze

Ni amagambo akoreshwa  n’umukuru kuri we mu gukosora cyangwa kunenga umwana, ariko akamukomeretsa akamutesha agaciro kubera icyo yakoze.

Ingero: Kuki ukora ibintu by’ubugoryi? Kuki ukora ibintu nk’iby’abarwayi bo mu mutwe? Kuki urya gutyo?

Abana bafite ubushobobozi bwo gusubiza ibyo bibazo ntacyo bakubwiye. Bashaka impamvu muri bo kandi bakayibona. Urugero: niba umubwiye uti kuki ukora ibintu nk’iby’abarwayi bo mu mutwe, ahita yisubiza ko, ubwo nawe arwaye mu mutwe. Umwana afata iryo kosa nk’icyangombwa kimuranga aho kugira ngo yumve ko ari igikorwa gishobora gukosorwa.Bene ibyo bibazo bituma yumva ko muri we hari ibitagenda neza, bigatuma adashobora kuba we imbere y’abandi igihe amaze gukura. Bimutera kandi gutinya gukora. Bishobora gutuma ahora yumva atameze neza, agahora afite ubwoba ko abantu babona iyo myitwarire ye itameze neza ababyeyi (abamurera) be bahora cyangwa se bahoraga bamubwira.

Igihe umwana hari ibyo yakoze bidakwiye ntabwo ugomba kubimubwiza amagambo mabi, ukwiye kubimubwira neza. Urugero: uti ntabwo ari uku wari kubigenza, ahubwo wagombaga kubigenza gutya.

Ibyifuzo by’ubwikunde bukabije

Ayo ni amagambo umwana abwirwa n’umubyeyi/umurezi agamije kumwereka ko atari akenewe. Ingero: Ntabwo nigeze nifuza umwana umeze nkawe, iyo inda yawe ivamo, iyo uvuka uri umugaye bikagira inzira, ndicuza impamvu nagutwise nkakubyara, ntabwo nifuza kubyara umuhungu, sinashakaga umwana w’umukobwa, …

Nta mubyeyi n’umwe ukwiye kubwira umwana we ibintu nk’ibyo kuko bituma atekereza ko kubaho kwe ari amakosa, ko atagombaga cyangwa se ko atagomba kubaho.

Ayo magambo ni mabi cyane ku mwana , ndetse no ku wundi muntu uwo ari we wese. Yangiza isano ye n’abo bari kumwe, bikaba byamutera kwigirira nabi no kugira agahinda gakabije.

Ababyeyi (abarezi) bagomba gukora ku buryo abana babo bumva ko bakunzwe kandi bafite agaciro kandi bishimiye kubaho kwabo.

Amagambo yumvisha umwana ko ari umutwaro

Amagambo yumvisha umwana ko ari umutwaro ni amagambo agamije kumwereka ko kubaho kwe ari ikibazo, ko abereye abandi umutwaro kandi ko Atari uw’ingenzi.

Urugero: Nkutakazaho amafaranga menshi bikabije, urandushya cyane bikabije, untesha umutwe, warampombeje, …

Ibyo bituma umwana yiyumva nk’umutwaro, ibyo bigatuma ahisha mu buryo atatekerejeho ibyo akeneye, n’ibibazo bye kugira ngo adatera umunabi n’ibibazo mu muryango. Ibyo bituma yiyang, bishobora kumutera kujya yiba cyangwa se akagira umunabi ku bandi.

Abayeyi bagomba kumvisha abana babo ko batababereye umutwaro, ko banezejwe n’ibyo babakorera kuko ari inshingano zabo. Kubereka ko Atari bo ntandaro y’ibibazo bafite uyu munsi.

Amagambo amutesha agaciro bikabije

Ni imvugo zikoreshwa ku mwana zigamije kumuca integer, kumushyira hasi no kumwereka ko nta gaciro afite.

Ingero: Uri igicucu, ikigoryi, ntacyo ushoboye, nta rimwe ujya ukora ibintu byiza, uteye iseseseme, ntuzigera utsinda na rimwe, nta cyo uzigezaho, unkoza isoni mu bandi, uri imbwa, …

Ayo magambo yose yangiza ku buryo budasubirwaho (budapfa gukosorwa) icyizere umwana yakwigirira.

Ni ngombwa ko ababyeyi batera abana babo imbaraga zo kwigira icyize bababwira amagambo abakomeza kandi abaha imbaraga. Urugero: urashoboye, uzagera kuri byinshi, uzatsinda n’ibindi

Amagambo yo kumugereranya n’abandi

Ni imvugo zose zigamije kumuca intege zidaha agaciro umwihariko we ahubwo zimwereka ko hari abo bagomba kumera kimwe.

Urugero: Kuki utameze nka mukuru wawe, cyangwa musaza wawe, mushiki wawe, murumuna wawe,…

Kuki utameze nk’abana bo kwa kwa kanaka, …

Abandi bana ni beza kukurusha

Ibyo bituma umwana adashobora kwigirira icyizere na gito, yumva imbaraga yakoresha zose atabigeraho. Ikindi kumugereranya n’abandimwe be bishobora gutuma bagira imibanire mibi hagati yabo, bakagirirana ishyari cyangwa inzika.

Abana bagomba gufashwa kubaka, kubaha imiterere yabo bwite itandukanye n’iy’abavandimwe babo cyangwa se n’iy’abandi bana batari bo, kuko buri wese ni umwe ku isi.

Amagambo yo guhagarika ibitekerezo n’amarangamutima bye

Ayo ni amagambo amubuza kugaragaza amarangamutima ye. Amubuza kugaragaza agahinda ke, umubabaro we cyangwa ibyishimo bye. Urugero: Hita uceceka rekeraho kurira, ibyo uvuze ntabwo ari ikibazo, nubwo utaka ariko ntabwo bikubabaza, ntabwo bikomeye, gabanya urusaku,...

Ibyo bituma umwana yumva ko kugira amarangamutima ari amakosa, bigatuma ibimubabaje abibika bikamuremerera kuko atemerewe kubigaragaza. Bituma atigirira icyizere, bikamura uburakari muri we n’imyitwarire mibi. Agira ibibazo mu mibanire ye n’abandi kandi agatinya kugaragaza ibyo atekereza mu bwisanzure.

Icyo ukwiriye gukora ni ukwemerera umwana kugaragaza amarangamutima ye igihe ababaye cyangwa yishimye kandi ukamwereka ko umwumva. Urugero umubwira uti ndanyumva urababaye,  birumvikana wagize ubwoba bwinshi,…

Kumufasha guhosha umujinya cyangwa ubwoba umwigisha uburyo ashobora guhumeka buhoro, kuruhuka, kumwigisha ko adakwiye guhisha ibibazo afite no kwishimira ibyiza yabonye.

Amagambo amutera ubwoba

Ayo ni amagambo yo kumukanga kugira ngo akore ibyo wifuza.

Ingero z’ayo magambo: Nutabikora neza ndagusiga hano nigendere, nzakujyana kure yanjye, uzabyuka usange nagiye, igikoko kiraza kikurye, nta muntu uri gutabare, …

Ibyo byose bituma umwana ahora ahangayitse, yikanga buri kintu, akumva atarinzwe. Bituma atakaza icyizere kiri hagati ye n’abantu akunda. Ashobora kumva ko bazamusiga kubera uwo ari we. Uko agenda akura nabyo birakura bigatuma adashobora kwizera abandi bantu, bituma yumva ari mu kaga gahoraho kandi agahora afite ubwoba kuko atekereza ko imibanire ye mishya n’abandi bantu itazaramba. Ibyo nabyo bituma abura ubushobozi bwo gukemura ibibazo.

Ababyeyi n’abarezi bakwiye kwiga gukoresha amagambo ahumuriza umwana, akamurinda guhangayika kandi akumva afite umutekano.

Amasezerano adasohozwa

Ni ijambo cyangwa igikorwa umubyeyi/umurezi asezeranya umwana ariko ntagisohoze (ntagikore) urugero: Nukora iki ndaguhemba, nuba umwana mwiza nzagutembereza aha n’aha …

Iyo umwana umusezeranyije ibintu ariko ntubikore ibyo byangiza icyizere agirira abandi, akumva ahemukiwe bikomeye. Ibyo bishobora gutuma aba umuntu mukuru udakora ibyo yasezeranyije abandi kandi akumva ko kubahemukira ntacyo bitwaye.

N’ubwo amagambo adatera ibikomere by’inyuma ku mubiri ariko atera ibikomere by’imbere mu bitekerezo bikangiza byinshi mu marangamutima, bikagira ingaruka mu bikorwa bigaragara inyuma mu bandi.

Ubwana ni igihe cy’ingenzi ku bantu bose, kuko nicyo cyubaka imiterere yacu, imyitwarire yacu n’imyemerere yacu. Kukibeshamo abana neza nibyo bigena ahazaza habo heza.

Ababyeyi n’abarezi tugomba kwita ku magambo tubwira abana kuko ijambo ryiza rirakiza.

Umwanditsi: NAHAYO Pelagie

Ibyifashishijwe

https://www.psychologies.com/famille/relations-familiales/12-phrases-toxiques-parents-enfants