Umubano w’abakundana cyangwa abashakanye ushobora guhura n’ibihe bikomeye, aho amarangamutima agenda akagabanuka, ibiganiro bigahinduka intambara ndetse rimwe na rimwe bikagera ku gutandukana. Ibyo ni ibntu bibaho ntibikwiye kugutera ubwoba kuko umubano wose ujya uhura n’ibibazo kandi ushobora no gukira igihe umuntu akoze impinduka nyazo kandi zishingiye ku bikorwa bifatika bitari amagambo gusa. Mu nzira zifatika zo gukiza umubano hari ibyo ugomba kwirinda, kumenya ibyo uwo mubana akeneye, kongera guha agaciro umubano wanyu, kumva amarangamutima yawe n’ay’uwo mukundana no guhanga udushya dutuma umubano wanyu umera neza nk’uko watangiye.

Nk’uko byanditswe na Alexandre CORMONT inzobere mu bumenyi bwa muntu no mu mibanire y’abakundana, hari inama 3 z’ingenzi zo gukiza umubano wanyu:

1.      Ugomba guhindura imyitwarire yawe yari imenyererewe

Inama ya mbere ni uguhindura imyitwarire yawe imenyerewe, kuko nutayihindura ugakomeza gukora ibintu nk’uko usanzwe ubikora, bizarushaho kuba bibi.

Niba ushaka kongera kubyutsa urukundo rwahoze hagati yanyu, ugomba gufata umwanya wo gutekereza ku bikorwa byawe. Ugomba gusohoka mu gace urimo k’ubwirinzi bwo ku giti cyawe, ukareba ibikenewe mu mubano wanyu kandi babafitiye inyungu mwembi, utareba inyungu zawe gusa.

Menya ko muri abantu babiri batandukanye, bafite imiterere itandukanye kandi ko kwishyira mu mwanya wa mugenzi wawe, ari byo umubano wanyu ugomba gushingiraho guhera uyu munsi.

Niba ufata uwo mwashakanye nk’umuntu ugomba guhora ameze kimwe (udahinduka), kandi akamera uko ushaka, ni ukuvuga ko umufata nk’umuntu uraho utemerewe guhinduka mu mitekerereze no mu myitwarire. Menya ko aho ufite ikibazo kandi ko ugomba gutangira urugendo rwo guhinduka ari wowe.

Ugomba kwita cyane ku kijyanye n’umubano w’abashakanye (imibonano mpuzabitsina), ugashakisha uburyo uwo mubano wabyuka niba warahagaze cyangwa se wavugururwa niba umeze nabi kuko uwo mubano akenshi ni wo shingiro ry’umubano mwiza.

2.      Kwirinda kuvuga cyane, ibiganiro no gushaka gusobanura amarangamutima yawe  

Mu gihe abashakanye bafitanye ibibazo, icya mbere kiza mu bitekerezo ni uguhangayika. Mwese muba mutumbiriye ibibazo bitandukanye mufite, haboneka impamvu ntoya mugatongana bikomeye ndetse bikaba byavamo n’ibindi bibazo birenze gutongana. Impamvu ni uko uba uhangayikishijwe n’umubano wanyu mubi. Irinde gutakaza umurongo uhagarare ushikamye n’ubwo uri mu bibazo.

Irinde gushaka kuba umuntu utunganye imbere ye

Yego nibyo, iyo hari ibibazo uba wumva ushaka kuba umwere ku wo mwashakanye no kumuha urukundo rwawe rwose. Nyamara rimwe na rimwe, uko ubigenza gutyo ni ko urushaho gutsindagira mu maso ye amakosa akubonaho no kumva uri kumubuza amahoro kurushaho.

Ugomba kubaho mu bwicishe bugufi, ukiga gukora ibikorwa bito bito, ubikoreye mu rugo rwanyu niba ukirurimo aho kugira ngo utekereze gukora ibintu bihambaye. Urugero: aho kugira ngo umusohokane ahantu hahenze cyangwa  ngo umugurire ikintu gihambaye, ahubwo nagera mu rugo umufungurire inkweto, umuha amazi yo kunywa cyangwa ikindi ufite, mwarurire ibiryo ku isahane muri ku meza niba bishoboka musangire, …

Umubano w’abashakanye ni nk’ikigo cy’ubucuruzi. Mbere yo ku gishinga ugomba kuba ufite intego yo kugera kuri byinshi, ukagira iteganyabikorwa, igihe bigomba gukorerwa n’uburyo bwo kubigenzura niba bitanga umusaruro cg ntawo,…

Mu byo uteganya, habamo n’uburyo bwo gukemura ibibazo igihe byaba bivutse. Iyo wamaze kwinjira mu mushinga wawe nyir’izina, hakagira bimwe bitagenda uko wabyifuje ushaka icyo wakora kugira ngo bigende neza. Ntabwo ucika intege ngo uvuge ko wibeshye, uhite ureka uwo mushinga, uwurakarire ko ugutengushye cyangwa ngo ugende ubwira abantu ko umushinga wawe ukunaniye, ahubwo ukora ibishoboka byose ngo urebe ko byagenda neza kandi ukabiha igihe.

Iyo umubano w’abashakanye wajemo ibibazo, menya ko bisaba igihe kugirango mubisohokemo, ntabwo bigomba gushira mu kanya gato uko ubitekereza.

Bihe igihe, ugire iteganyabikorwa ry’icyo gihe. Ntabwo ubyuka ngo ukore icyo utekereje ako kanya, tegura ibyo ugomba gukora bitari byinshi ngo bikunanire, cyangwa se, ngo uwo ubikorera abone bimuzibiranya, bimurakaze kurushaho. Ugomba kugira igihe cyo kugenzura niba ibyo ukora bitanga umusaruro, n’iyo waba ari muto, nawo ntukawugaye kuko biza buhoro buhoro. Ariko kandi nutita ku ishingiro nyakuri ry’umubano wanyu ari ryo kwishyira mu mwanya wa mugenzi wawe muzahora mu makimbirane adashira.

Kora iby’ingenzi mu gihe gikwiye kandi wizere ko igihe kitazagutenguha.

Kudashaka gukemuza ibibazo byawe amarangamutima

Iri ni ikosa rikunda gukorwa n’abashakanye bombi cg n’umwe muri bo igihe hari ibibazo. Ukavuga ko uwo mwashakanya agomba gukora cg kugerageza gukora ibi, agomba kumva cyangwa kugerageza kumva ibyo ukora kuko ubikorera urukundo. Ariko kandi ntabwo we abyumva nk’uko uri kubyumva kuko ayo marangamutima y’urukundo kuri we, aba asa nk’aho atagihari. Gerageza kujya mu mwanya we, wumve ko ahubwo ari wowe ugomba gushyiramo imbaraga zo kumwumva aho kugira ngo wumve ko ari we ugomba kuzishyiramo ngo akumve.

3.      Ibikorwa nibyo bifite agaciro

Genzura neza amagambo ukoresha mu mvugo, igihe muri mu bibazo.

Irinde kumushyiraho igitutu, umwereka buri gihe uko umerewe n’uburyo ubabaye, kuko ibyo sibyo bizagarura umubano wanyu; ahubwo ni igihe cyo kumwibutsa ko umukunda.

Fata umwanya wo kwinjiza muri wowe amagambo meza y’urukundo n’ubwo hari ibibazo, nko kumubwira ngo: ndagukunda, wambaye neza, uri mwiza, uruta abandi, iyo utahaba simba ndi uwo ndiwe uyu munsi, ni wowe mugore cyangwa mugabo w’ubuzima bwanjye, uri uw’agaciro gakomeye mu buzima bwanjye, …

Nushaka ko mwicara ngo muganire ku bibazo mufite, mushake n’uburyo bwo kubikemura ntacyo bizagufasha, ahubwo fata umwanya wo gukora ibikorwa bito bito, bimwereka ko umukunda.

Hari ubwo ubikora akarushaho kurakara no kuguhunga ariko kandi ntabwo ibyo bigomba gutuma ucika intege. Ugomba gukomeza kumukurikiza urukundo, amaherezo ageraho agacika intege ari we kuko nta wanga urukundo.

Aho kuvuga cyane, kora cyane, ugerageze kugira inseko mu rugo, umuhe impano nto ziri mu bushobozi bwawe, uvugurure umubano wo mu buriri mu buryo bwose bushoboka.

Bitewe n’ibyifuzo by’uwo mwashakanye, menya ibyo gukora ako kanya, mu gihe kigufi no mu gihe kirekire.

Ugomba kugerageza kwibuka icyo ubwo bwumvikane buke bwahereyeho mu gihe kuvugana no kuganira byashobokaga, ibyo yatangiye anenga mbere y’uko ibibazo bigera aho bigeze uyu munsi.

Kumwereka amarangamutima umugirira ajyanye n’umubano w’abashakanye

Ibyo ntabwo ari ibintu uhora ukora buri gihe ahubwo ni nko kumutungura (surprise), ubifatira umunsi ukagerageza gusembura amarangamutima ye, umwereka ko umukeneye kandi ko witeguye guhera kuri zeru ngo umubano wanyu wongere usubire uko wahoze.

Kumenya ko muri abashakanye bariho kandi bagomba kubaho

Ntabwo buri wese agomba kurwana n’ibibazo wenyine ahubwo niba bishoboka, shaka ikintu mwakora muri kumwe kikabaryohera (kikabashimisha). Ushobora gushaka icyo uzi akunda cyangwa se ugashaka ikindi ukagerageza kukimvumvisha. Mushobora gutemberera ahantu hari mu bushobozi bwanyu, mushobora gukorera hamwe imikkino yabashimisha, … Ibyo bizatuma mubasha kunesha umwanzi w’umubano wanyu.

Gerageza kwibuka kwiyitaho ku giti cyawe no kwigirira icyizere

Ibyo bizagufasha kugira ubuzima bwiza no kumva ko ibyo uri gukora bifite kandi bizagira akamaro.

Gerageza kwishima

ushake ibintu bituma wishima ugaseka aho kugira ngo uhore mu marira no mu gahinda kadashira k’ibibazo urimo.

WAKORA IKI IGIHE UWO MWASHAKANYE ADASHAKA UBWIYUNGE?

Mu gihe ibyo ukora byose bimeze nko kumena amazi ku ibuye, we adashaka ubwiyunge ahubwo ashaka gutandukana, icyo ugomba gukora ni ukwambaro intwaro yo kwihangana. Niba adashaka kukubona mu maso ye cyangwa kukuvugisha, ukamurekera uburenganzira bwe, ukagerageza gukora ibyo ushoboye kandi wemerewe. Iyo witwaye neza, ukihangana kandi ugakomeza ibikorwa bito by’urukundo n’iyo waba uri kure ye, hari ubwo ageraho akabona ko atanze andi mahirwe umubano wanyu wakomeza neza.

Niba umubano wanyu uri mu kaga, umwanya wo gutekereza, guhinduka no gushyira mu bikorwa inama z’ingenzi ni wo utanga amahirwe yo kongera gushyuha cyangwa se kuryoha k’urukundo. Ibikorwa byawe byubaka, bizatuma umubano wanyu ukomera, urukundo rubyuke kandi buri wese yongere kuryoherwa n’ubuzima.

Umwanditsi: NAHAYO Pelagie

IBYIFASHISHIJWE

https://www.alexandrecormont.com/sauver-son-couple/

https://www.vanityfair.fr/article/comment-sauver-son-couple-en-7-jours