Kwibabarira kubera ibintu bitari byiza wakoze ubishaka cyangwa utabishaka ni ibintu bigora abantu benshi. Buri gihe umuntu ahora yishinja kandi yicira urubanza. Biba bikomeye kwiyumvisha ko akwiye kwiha imbabazi agakomeza ubuzima. Nyamara n’ubwo bigoye, kwibabarira niyo ntambwe yambere yo kubaho neza wishimye kandi ufite amahoro muri wowe. Kwibabarira bisobanuye kurekeraho kwicira urubanza.

Umwanditsi Pierre Pradervand, avuga ko mbere yo kwandika iyi nkuru yafashe umwanya munini wo gutekereza no kumva. Yumva umubabaro w’amamiliyoni y’abantu cyane cyane b’abakristu, bamara igihe kinini bishinja ko nta kintu kiza na kimwe bagira. Yavuze ko ashaka kubwira buri wese ngo yihereho yikunde, arebe ibyiza biri muri we ubwe, arebe ubwiza bwe. Ujye wibwira uti“ndashaka kureba ubwiza buri muri njyewe”. Muri wowe harimo ubwiza butangaje, n’iyo abandi baba hari ibyo bagutekerezaho ibyo ari byo byose. N’iyo waba uzi ko mu buzima bwawe utageze ku byo wifuzaga, n’iyo waba utekereza ko hari ibyo udashoboye, wibwira ko ntacyo uvuze, n’ibindi byose witekerazaho bitari byiza, byose ni ibinyoma. Muri wowe harimo ubutunzi bukomeye, harimo agaciro, harimo imbaraga kandi ibyo byose bitegereje ko ubibona. Umwanditsi w’umunyamerika Paul Ferrini yaravuze ngo: “urugendo rwo kubabarira rutangirira mu mutima wawe ni ukuvuga ko rutangirira kuri wowe ubwawe”.

Kugira ngo ushobore kubabarira abandi ni uko uba ushobora kwibabarira wowe ubwawe. Ariko igihe utajya ushobora kwibabarira igihe wakoze ikosa, nta n’ubwo ushobora kubabarira abandi igihe bagukosereje cyangwa  se bagusabye imbabazi. Impamvu tugomba kubabarira abatubabaje ni imwe gusa ni uko umuntu yaremwe ari umwere ahubwo akaza kwanduzwa n’ibyo asanze. Ubundi umwana avuka ari umwere, we aba azi ko ari mwiza kandi nta n’ikibazo aba afitanye nawe ubwe cyangwa se n’abandi bantu. Hanyuma umuco avukiyemo, umuryango akuriyemo n’ibimukikije nibyo bimwigisha ibibi no kwicira urubanza. Akenshi abantu ntibajya bishima na gato, nta mpuhwe bigirira, nta rukundo na ruke bigirira kandi akenshi usanga mu byifuzo byabo harimo gukora ibyiza uko bashoboye kose.

Uyu mwanditsi avuga ko mu gihe cyashize yagiye mu muryango mpuzamahanga wo kurwanya inzara ku isi. Uwo muryango (organisation) waturutse muri Amerika wari wubatse ku buryo bwiza cyane, ufite imirongo ngenderwaho isobanutse ariko icyari cyiza kurushaho ni ibyo bari bategereje ku musaruro w’ubukorerabushake bwabo. Yagiye muri mu mahugurwa I Londres. Akomeza avuga ko uwari kubahugura bari bumwizeye. Nyamara bagitangira amahugurwa yasabye abantu bagera kuri kuri 40 bari bayarimo ko bamusezeranya kuza gukora ibyo abasaba byose. Abantu bose barabyemera batiriwe babitekerezaho kuko nta wumvaga ko yamusaba ibintu bidahwitse. Yabasabye kuvuga ibitutsi bibi byose bishoboka n’andi magambo mabi yose tuzi. Nk’umuntu yari afitiye icyizere, we yanze gukora ibyo yabasabye kuko yumvaga bidahwitse. Avuga ko kimwe mu byo yari yarihaye kugenderaho mu buzima bwe ari ukuba inyangamugayo kuri we, kuko yari azi ko ibyo bigukurikira mu buzima bwose. Haba ku manywa na nijoro ujye wiyubaha wubahe n’abandi. Abyanze yamwibukije ibyo basezeranye mbere yo gutangira, maze amenya ko yaguye mu mutego mbere, nuko arabikora. Nyuma yaho, yahoraga yicira urubanza ko atubahirije ihame yari yarisezeranyije kugenderaho mu buzima bwe. 

Yakomeje avuga ko nyuma y’imyaka 15, yakurikiranye isomo ku iterambere rya muntu rimwibutsa ibyamubayeho muri iyo myaka ishize,ko atabaye inyangamugayo kuri we. Yabiganirije uwabigishaga amubwira ko akwiriye gusukura ububiko bwe. Atashye yandikiye uwabigishije atazi imyirondoro ye, amubwira ko yemera amakosa yose yakoze, ubwo yarengaga ku byo yisezeranyije (n’ubwo kugeza icyo gihe yumvaga n’uwababwiye gutukana nawe afite uruhare ku makosa cyangwa se ku myitwarire ye). Avuga ko ubwo yajyanaga urwandiko aho rushyirwa ngo rwohererezwe nyirarwo bitari byitezwe ko rwamugeraho kuko nta myirondoro ye yari izwi n’uwamwandikiye, ya nkomanga yikoreye imyaka yose yahise ivaho, yumva araruhutse. Bityo ashobora kwibabarira nyuma y’imyaka 15 yicira urubanza.

Kubivuga kwibabarira mu magambo biroroshye ariko kubishyira mu bikorwa birakomeye kuko kwibabarira ni ukurekeraho kwicira urubanza ku bintu uzi neza ko wabikoze, ni ukurekeraho kwishinja no guhorana inkomanga kandi uzi ko wagize uruhare mu byabaye.

Ibyo ntabwo bivuze ko uzibagirwa ibyo wishinja cyangwa uzabikuraho, ahubwo uzemera ko nta kindi wabihinduraho. Ibyo ntabwo bizakuraho ibyo wakoze n’ingaruka byagize kuri wowe cyangwa ku bandi, ahubwo bizakorohereza umutima uhora ugucira urubanza, bikugarurire amahoro yo mu mutima n’imibanire myiza nawe ubwawe.

Kutibabarira bishobora kugutera ibibazo bifatika by’umubiri harimo, kuribwa mu nda, kujya mu bwiherero inshuro nyinshi, kugira umujinya kenshi, kugwa hasi inshuro nyinshi uri kugenda, guhindura imyitwarire yawe isanzwe, kudasinzira neza, ...

Kugira ngo ubigereho ni urugendo rukorwa buhoro buhoro.

Uwitwa Anatole France yavuze ko ugomba kumenya kwibabarira cyane kugira ngo ushobore cyane kubabarira abandi.

Icya mbere ugomba kwibwira impamvu ukeneye kwibababarira

Ikindi ni uko ugomba kumenya ko nta mwere uba ku isi, abantu bose bashobora gukosa. Ibyo uhora wishinja wanze kwibabarira hari n’abandi benshi babikoze. Ntabwo ari wowe wa mbere bibayeho, nta n’ubwo ari wowe wa nyuma. Ndetse hari imvugo y’ikinyarwanda ivuga ko “ukora ari we ukosa”.

Kumenya ko bimwe mu bigize ubuzima harimo ko, abantu benshi amasomo bayakura mu makosa bakoze, mu byo bibagiwe gukora ndetse no mu gutsindwa kwabo.

Gushaka amasomo wakura mu byo wakoze yagufasha mu buzima bwawe cyangwa yafasha abandi.

Ushobora kwifashisha umuntu uzobereye mu by’imitekerereze akagukurikirana kandi akagufasha mu rugendo rwo kwibabarira.

Inshuti yawe wizera, yagutega amatwi ntigucire urubanza nayo ishobora kubigufashamo ukayibwira uko wiyumva. 

Icy’ingenzi ni uko ubona umuntu wizeye ubwira ibyawe bityo umutima wawe ukaruhuka nawe akagufasha kwibabarira mu bushobozi ufite.

Niba nta muntu wizeye ushobora kugerageza kwifasha wowe ubwawe, wandika ku rupapuro amarangamutima ufite ku byo wakoze, ugatangira n’urugendo rwo kwibabarira kugeza igihe wakiriye ko ibyo wakoze nta cyo wabihinduraho, no guhora wicira urubanza ntacyo bikumariye, ahubwo ugomba kubyakira no gushaka amasomo abirimo ugakomeza ubuzima.

Icyo ugomba kuzirikana ni ukwirinda gusubira muri iryo kosa ubigambiriye.

Umwanditsi: NAHAYO Pelagie

IBYIFASHISHIJWE

https://www.danslatelierdejo.fr/savoir-se-pardonner-mieux-vivre-avec-soi/

Se faire le cadeau du pardon, PIERRE PRADERVAND, 2014